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Mini Task: Lonely Hearts Club

This evening Big Brother set up a lonely hearts club, a dating service where the housemates would 'advertise' themselves to potential partners.

The eight housemates, six of whom are single in real life (not counting Stuart and Michelle's dubious relationship), were given an hour to write a message in order to attract a mate. It came as no surprise to see that Ahmed wasn't keen, but the others all cheered at the prospect.

Their message had to include the following:

Name and Age
Physical Attributes - an honest description, which included them drawing a self portrait
Character - detailing their best character traits, hobbies, interests etc.
Ideal Partner - what they are looking for in their ideal partner... go careful Stu boy
Acronyms - they had to use at least one acronym, such as the usual GSOH (good sense of humour), WLTM (would like to meet), ISO (in search of), PM, professional male or the rather harsh NUWP (no ugly women please)
Chat-up Lines - the housemates ads had to provide their best chat-up lines. God help us!

Here's a brief run-down of what they came up with:

Ahmed wrote, "I like to be loved. Love me all the time. I need love. Love. Love. Love". His WSH (wacky sense of humour) was his best attribute. Our alternative acronym: IACW (I'm a complete wacko) might not have gone down quite so well with the ladies!

Dan described himself as a, "Kind, generous, irritating, playful, extrovert, lovelorn, foolish, passionate, bossy, demanding, adventurous, intelligent, workaholic showman," and was looking for this season's hot young thing, whatever that is.

Nadia described herself as having, "Dark, wavy locks, smouldering eyes, full pouting lips and mysterious aura with an intense Portuguese fire". The feisty housemate was looking for SSS, otherwise known as someone who is 's*xy, sh**gable and stinking rich".

Michelle forgot about using intrigue and subtlety in her message, instead opting to mention her, "Long black hair and chocolate, delicious brown eyes", and describing herself as someone who's 'very sexy and enjoys role play and acting out fantasies with her partner' Gulp! Oh, and she also cited 'topless mud wrestling' as a pastime. You can see them queuing already...

Stu was keen to draw attention to the fact that he, "Likes wearing cowboy hats, going to art galleries and keeping fit". Describing himself as a 'relaxed, chilled-out sort of guy" who was looking for a woman with similar characteristics. You know, like Michelle. Ahem!

Shell was looking for a man who excels at art, plays guitar to a high standard, enjoys gin and tonics and drives in the country. Oh, and can speak several languages including Italian. Blimey, she's not fussy, is she?

Jason went for that dating advert fave: describing himself as a car. Ho ho ho. Despite the fact that he has previously claimed to have had around 250 'owners', that statistic miraculously mutated into, "One previous owner with body work in excellent condition, oiled and buffed". His chat up line was: "Would you like a Spanish kiss... a bit like a French kiss but further south, geographically speaking?" Oh yeh, the girls love a bit of crudity.

Vic the Slick was ideally looking for a woman with, "A big fat a**e!", but his honesty knew no bounds when he listed his hobbies as 'women' and 'banging women'. Subtle! The lay-deez would doubtless be falling over themselves to comply with his acronym MBA2HALDFDB which meant: 'must be able to have a...', well, lets just say that it was something to do with a s*xual position.

It's a wonder they'll get any response at all with some of those efforts!

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