The Big Day Arrives And Cracks Appear
It should be the (pretend) best day of Shell's life today,
but cracks have started to appear in the not-so-happy couple's
Before the wedding ceremony this afternoon, Shell expressed
concern to Michelle and Nadia about spending time afterwards
in the pamper room with Vic, i.e. the honeymoon.
Seemingly taking it all a bit too seriously, the Glasgow girl
said, "Oh my God, I'm not sleeping with anyone. I really
can't. Scott would go mad".
Later, after the rehearsal, she revealed that Victor seemed
to be moody with her and told how he'd disappeared just as
soon as it finished, which Shell thought deemed to be ignorant
behaviour. It was also noted that the JC's, "Think about
nominations all the time".
However, the concerned graduate put a brave face on things
as the ceremony got going, with Victor feigning tears and
amusingly stating vows that included Boys II Men lyrics, as
previously performed by the Slickster.
"I'll make love to you, when you want me to, and I'll
hold you tight, baby all through the night... until day 71
or until death do us part," promised the fly Londoner,
not helping Shell's fears that they might be expected to get
up to something afterwards.
Chorister Michelle performed a warbled version of the Andrew
Lloyd Webber tune Pie Jesu, which bore no resemblance whatsoever
to the Sarah Brightman original in terms of lyrics, key or
Then came the traditional throwing of the bride's bouquet.
It was aimed in the general direction of Nadia, but that didn't
stop Michelle lunching half-way across the garden to try and
But the desperate-to-wed Geordie lass was unsuccessful, as
Nadia grabbed the flowers and declared, "I'm gonna' be
As the congregation of seven threw confetti over the 'happy'
couple, Shell giggled nervously but hubby Vic looked decidedly
disinterested in the whole thing.
Oh dear, it looks like this could be a match made in hell,
rather than heaven.
We give it about a week!
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