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Victor Is No 'Merchant Banker!'

The bedsit girls may have used the 'w' word to describe him recently, but Victor has confirmed tonight that he is no 'merchant banker'.

Of course, we're referring to the birds and the bees here rather than pounds and pence, as the boisterous Londoner revealed that he has never pleasured himself.

In the somewhat odd confession, 23-year-old Vic told the group that he'd 'look like a tw*t' if he partook, and so he never has, not even once. In real life though, who does he think will see him?

Then, in a statement befitting a boy half his age, the ladies man declared, "I wouldn't know how to start anyway", to which Dan amusingly replied, "Would you like me to show you Vic?"

"Nah, s'alright", came the swift response!

As any good science teacher or Doc will tell you, masturbation is a perfectly natural act and is actually good for you, something Shell was keen to point out as she revealed her regularity.

But it was Dan who had the best thing to say on the matter, when he jokingly said to Vic, "I'd heard that you're the biggest w***er around!"

Surely you could have seen that one coming, so to speak?!

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