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Tonight's The Night! - Big Brother 4 Begins

Hmmm... we're sure there's something due to happen today, but we can't quite remember what it is?

AS IF!

Yep, today's the day you've all been waiting for: the BBO Team will perform their Full Monty routine (steady ladies). Erm, no that's not right...? Oh yeh, it's the start of Big Brother Series 4. Whoop, whoop and triple whoop!

Sure, we had 'Pop Idol' and 'Reborn' to keep us going after BB3 finished. They even gave us another series of 'I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here', complete with it's own bitching, backlash and cliques.

But there's nothing like watching a group of total unknowns getting to know one another BB-style; slowly revealing their true characters under the harsh scrutiny of the nation. The mad fools!

It's amazing that we've managed to get through the past 9-months' BB drought without kidnapping an ex-housemate for company (Avid). We've even resisted the temptation to dye our hair, shave our chest in secret and arrogantly shout 'Comprunde?' at all our colleagues.

The BBO office has been devoid of any full-blown barnies over utterly trivial matters. Neither has anyone thrown a complete and utter wobbler because someone peed in the shower (although whoever peed in the sink: I think it's dis-gus-ting! - Ed)

Nobody around here felt the need to say the word 'mate' at virtually every syllable. No-one stunk the place out with their long-range BO. Not one person jumped on the desk, went straight through it and sheepishly declared, "I think I might have broken it". And we categorically deny that there's been any late night, drink-fuelled 'under cover' shenanigans with questionable mingers <cough> Pee-Jay!

When you think back, the last series of Big Brother was absolutely brilliant, even though the controversial bars stayed-up for just a little too long and Sunita and Sandy both 'wussed out' and quit. In fact, many fans have hailed BB3 as the best series yet because it offered arguments, bitching, fun, division, walkouts, romance and, um, nudity. Of sorts.

We'll just have to wait and see if any of this year's housemates will 'show their kebab', but one thing's for sure, the producers are certainly hoping that some of the contestants will 'go all the way' this summer... and we're not talking about making it to the end of week 9 either!

No, rather that bonking is very much on the Big Bro agenda, with the all-seeing power actually encouraging the housemates to bring their own condoms into the house.

And by sheer coincidence, it seems that many of you lot are tuned-in to BB's wavelength, as our first Poll indicates (check-out our Home page to participate in the poll).

Okay, so you're probably not 'gonna admit that publicly, but it'll undoubtedly be one hell of a talking point if "it" happens. Not to mention the fact that someone will be considerably richer for their efforts, mainly due to The Sun's £50k 'sh*g bounty' on offer!

So, who knows what's going to happen this summer in the Big Brother house? No-one, and that's the very aspect that will make it absolutely compelling viewing for the next 9 weeks, just as before. Roll on Big Brother 4...

Big Brother 4 begins tonight, Friday the 23rd of May 2003, 8.30pm on Channel 4.

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